Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
