have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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