All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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