i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
