If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
