I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
