Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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