You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
