Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
