I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
