the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
