ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
