im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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