Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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