Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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