I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
