bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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