I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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