Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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