Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
