Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
