Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
