dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
