My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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