I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
