Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
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He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
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I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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