They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
