i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
