I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
