I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
