it was like his penis was on wheels.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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