I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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