Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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