please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Randomize
