My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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