As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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