Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
