thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
