I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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