Me. At least after what I've been through.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
