Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
