You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
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I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
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When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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