i would punch a child for taco bell
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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