thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
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