Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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