Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Randomize
