Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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