She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
