you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
