he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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