i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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