dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
