I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
