I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
