I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
