so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
