you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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