Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
not ubering you a puppy
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
