I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
