Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
