Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
