Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
That was an excessively violent trivia night
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
