I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
