Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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