I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
