Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
