Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
