My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
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