i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
