My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
