Nicole vs. Life
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
