we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize
