The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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