i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
