A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Green mimosas i think yes
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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