I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize