You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
