they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Randomize
