are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
