My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
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Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
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We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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