my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
