I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
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My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
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"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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