You smell like a Billy Joel song
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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