"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
